Trying to be perfect is something that has been ingrained in us since we were children. We are constantly told that we need to 'be good', 'be polite', 'be careful', 'don't make a mess' in order to be successful and accepted (even loved?), and so we learn that anything messy or accidental or 'not the status quo' makes us simply...well, unacceptable. This can be a very damaging mindset, as it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety.
The truth is, and we all know this: there is no such thing as perfection. Firstly because it is subjective. Secondly, let's face it, everyone makes mistakes, whether we strive for perfection or not. And that's OK, isn't it? It's part of the messy, chaotic, human condition. In fact, it's through our mistakes that we learn and grow and evolve and change. Which is a lot more fulfilling than the alternative! When we strive for perfection, we are setting ourselves up for failure. We will never be able to achieve perfection, and we need to accept that and let it go.
The important thing is to focus on being the best version of ourselves, and to accept our imperfections (and that, inconveniently, other people have them, too). We are all unique and special, and that is what makes us beautiful and... us! Just think about someone you love deeply, and the reasons you love them will be deeply human and in part due to their 'flaws' and quirks, right?
If you're a perfectionist you may justify it to yourself as simply 'I always strive to do my best and never settling for anything less'. But sometimes your perfectionism can get in the way of your success. It can lead to procrastination, anxiety, and even depression.
If you're a perfectionist, you're probably familiar with this method of self-sabotage. You might put off starting a project because you're afraid of making a mistake. Or you might give up on a goal halfway through because you're not satisfied with your progress.
Self-sabotage is a way of protecting ourselves from failure
We're so afraid of not being perfect that we sabotage our own success. But self-sabotage is a self-defeating cycle. Ironically, by trying to be perfect, we're only setting ourselves up for failure- it's a lose-lose. We're never going to achieve our goals if we're constantly getting in our own way!
If you're a perfectionist, it's important to learn how to overcome self-sabotage. Here are a few tips:
Set realistic goals. Don't set yourself up for failure by setting unrealistic goals. Break your goals down into smaller, more manageable steps.
Learn to accept imperfection. It's okay to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. The important thing is to learn from your mistakes and move on. Blow it away!
Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone is different, and we all have our own unique strengths and weaknesses. Comparing yourself to others will only make you feel bad about yourself. The lens through which they see the world is different from yours and everyone else's.
Focus on your strengths. Make a list of yours. Focus on your strengths and use them to your advantage.
Be kind to yourself. We all make mistakes. Be kind to yourself and forgive yourself for your mistakes when they (definitely) arise.
Overcoming perfection as a mode of self-sabotage is a challenge, but it's possible. With time and effort, you can become aware of how this plays out for you, and eventually learn to accept things as they are and see the beauty in imperfection, rather than trying to change what is.
