6 Reasons Why I'm Not the Coach for You

Updated: Jan 14, 2020

Reason 1: You're looking for the perfect coach

Perfection is subjective, but in no-one's version of the word am I it. I am a person who can really struggle with indecision. Sometimes I can feel unmotivated to do the things I actually really want to do, and (I admit) I do have the very occasional sit-down shower! I am also a person who knows that just because perfection doesn't exist, it doesn't mean I can't commit to grow and learn from the things I get 'wrong' and be the person I want to be in the world. I am on my own journey of self-exploration and self-development, both personally and professionally. And part of the beauty of this work is that it is never done! One of the things I love explaining to my clients is that there is no getting it wrong. Or getting it right, for that matter. I can guarantee our work together won't be perfect. But it will be powerful, rewarding and enjoyable.

Reason 2: You want an step-by-step plan to success

One of the cornerstones of Co-Active Coaching is 'dancing in the moment'. The very nature of deep-diving into self-discovery is that we have to work with whatever's in the unique space and time we create between only us in our sessions. This means there is no one-size fits all, step-by-step plan for us to follow toward your goals. If it shows up, we work with it. I can't predetermine what we will explore in our sessions. I also can't promise we won't be in our respective houses dancing around the kitchen or sitting in the middle of the floor cross-legged with our eyes closed and visualising something or other! Sometimes our sessions might get into challenging shadow-work, sometimes it's playful movement. All of it, all of you, is valued and valuable to your learning. Part of the joy is not knowing how and when the Eureka realisations will appear.

Reason 3: You don't want any mess

I hate to break it to you, but you are a human. This is a complicated, messy, fascinating and beautiful business. I use Co-Active techniques in my coaching. I also call on principles of mindfulness, yoga, Gestalt psychotherapy, not to mention TED talks, books, essays, various online sources and articles and, of course, conversations which have all informed my experience along the way... All of these things lend themselves in different ways and to different extents to the complex needs we have as humans, let alone unique humans. There is not one quick-fix answer to solve your problems, so I invite you to allow me to pull from a range of resources and deliver you with what's most relevant to you and your growth, in that moment. And let's relish the mess. It's way more interesting than those neatly packaged (and squirrelled away) little boxes.

Reason 4: You just want answers and advice

I am here to empower you to make your own decisions, based on what you know to be true for you. I will not give you any answers, not least because I can't (and neither can anyone else you've ever met). You are the only person who has walked a lifetime in your shoes and you are the only person who has experienced everything you've ever seen with your own eyes. We are all on our own quite a lot as humans, and you're the only person who's been with you the whole time. My role as your coach is to ask you powerful questions so that you can gain real, valuable insight into yourself, your habits, your stories, your scripts and your instinctive reactions. And then to explore which ones are good for you, and which ones need throwing out. I will bring my coaching skills, you will bring your willingness to explore and your hopes for a better future for yourself. Together we will raise your awareness of how you show up in all areas of your life, and this is the first step towards allowing yourself to choose: how do I actually want to live and who do I really want to be? And what do I need right now to step towards it?

Reason 5: I will hold you to account

I’m probably not for you if you’re expecting me to do the work for you. I put everything I have into the coaching process and I expect my clients to do the same. If you want someone to talk to about what's not good enough in your life, but you're not actually ready or willing to do anything about it, then I'm not the coach for you. An important part of the coaching process is to set homework and goals for yourself that you want to work towards. Sometimes this is stuff that you don't want to do, but you do actually really want to do. You just need that hand-holding (or kick up the arse) to get it done. Either way, if you've said you want to do it, it must be important to you. And if you don't do it, I will hold you to account by discussing whether it's really what you want. Maybe you actually want something else more...

Reason 6: I will say the things that no-one else dares to say, and that you might not want to hear

In the Co-Active world, we refer to this aspect of being a coach as having 'Fierce Courage'. Truth: it's not always easy for me to call someone out on what I think I'm hearing is their underlying message. But rest assured, I will do it. You might be lucky enough to have the support of people around you who know and love you, who have your best interests at heart. Your loved ones have background info on you and their own perspectives of you, grounded on shared history and your relationship together. They advise you based on what they think you want, but it might be difficult for them to tell you the things you don't really want to hear. And yet. When you do hear what might be the uncomfortable truth, and you receive it from someone unbiased in a safe space, where you are free to talk through any emotions that arise from hearing it, you become more aware of your behaviours and thought patterns. As we said before, awareness is the first step towards us having a choice to do things differently. Moving forward means complete honesty (aka fierce courage) from me, and I will always strive to get underneath the excuses and deep dive into the real stuff that's been holding you back.

If you would like to give coaching with me a try, I offer 30-minute chemistry sessions which you can book here.

For more information contact me on faye@moxiecoaching.co.uk