Becoming a mother is one of the most exciting and rewarding experiences in a woman's life. It is also one of the most challenging. Mothers face a myriad of emotions, from the joy of holding their newborn to the loneliness of being up all night with a colicky baby. They also often struggle with feelings of guilt, wondering if they are doing a good enough job.
In my experience as a coach, one of the biggest challenges that crops up for new mothers is their loss of identity. Before becoming a mummy, a woman is her own person, with her own interests, her own hobbies, and her own friends. Freedom and spontaneity. Afterwards, life revolves completely around her child. There's much less (/no) time for the things she used to enjoy, and she may feel like she has lost herself. I know I did.
If you are a new mother and you are feeling lost, you are not alone. I've worked with plenty of mums who experience this feeling and this is an ongoing feeling for me personally, too. There are things we can do to help ourselves find your way back to ourselves:
First, and the most useful (albeit frustrating) piece of advice is: it is important to give yourself time. It takes time to adjust to being a mother- not just the newborn bit and physical recovery, but the ever-changing demands of raising a rapidly-developing human. To regain a pattern of sleep. To drink a cup of tea whilst it's still hot. You will go to the toilet unaccompanied again, one day. Give it time.
Second, don't be afraid to ask for help. I bet there are plenty of people who are willing to come to the rescue, including your partner, your family, and your friends. Remember- it takes a village (and a vineyard!)
Third, make time for yourself. Even if it is just for a few minutes each day, take some time to do something that relaxes you and takes you out of 'mummy mode'. This will help you to stay sane and to feel like yourself again, if only for 5 minutes. Do. This. Every. Day.
Fourth, be present, grateful and mindful (but don't beat yourself up when you notice you're not). These early days of parenthood fly by. I'm already looking at pre-walking videos of my soon-to-be-three-year-old daughter, and am baffled that my little girl was this baby, like, 2 minutes ago. She is already her own little person, and her babyhood now feels so short. Even though the days felt long at the time. Keeping a gratitude journal not only serves as a reminder to of their day-to-day (but ever-changing) 'normal' (lovely to read when you want to look back- a bit like looking at photos of them when they've gone to bed). A journal also helps you to remain present and focus on the (many) enjoyable bits of motherhood, even when it feels like the sacrifices are high.
Fifth, force yourself to leave them (if only for a while). It's hard to understand the extent to which your life changes until you're smack bang in the middle of it. At which point it feels inescapable, relentless even. Sometimes you've got to force yourself off the treadmill, even if you're in tears at the mere thought of being away from your baby. It gives you some space, mentally and physically, to be with yourself for a time. And it totally makes you miss them and totally feel like a better mummy for having had a break.
If you are struggling to find your way back to yourself, I encourage you to reach out for support. I am a coach who is drawn to helping new mothers find their way back to themselves. I understand the challenges that you are facing, and I would love to see how I can help you regain your sense of self.